What
does your best man do?
Here are the best man’s traditional duties:
-Act as moral support through the engagement process.
-Plan and execute the bachelor party.
-Deliver the groom in a timely fashion to the wedding ceremony
-Carry and protect the wedding bands.
-Stand next to the groom during the ceremony
-Act as an official witness to the exchange, signing the wedding certificate.
-(Optional) Give the clergy a “donation” on behalf of the groom.
-Prepare and provide a well-formed speech prior to (or immediately following) the wedding feast (and optionally, the rehearsal dinner).
We’ve heard some great speeches and some truly awful, awkward, uncomfortable ones. The person you choose as best man may not be natural orator, but at least instill in him (or have one of the groomsmen instill in him) the importance of a little preparation beforehand. Whether he writes out some notes, practices in front of a mirror, or memorizes an entire speech, a good speech from the best man adds class and requisite sentimentally to your wedding.
Remind your best man that the wedding reception includes more than his Gen X buddies. He should tailor his speech to also appeal to the children, grandmas, and pregnant women in the room; Meaning no limericks, off-color jokes, or unseemly references to the bachelor party.
Here are some tips to share with your best man:
-Keep it simple. For the less experienced speaker, short and sweet make a speech easier to deliver and easier for the audience to follow and enjoy. Long, drawn-out anecdotes and complicated jokes should be avoided.
-Do your homework. Include anecdotes that are funny, flattering, or from the heart. Kept in good taste, a personal speech makes an audience more interested and receptive.
-Write it down. No one will fault you for your subtly referring to index cards.
-Practice. Give the speech to a friend or your dog.
-Don’t drown your fears. One drink might calm your nerves, but five will make you incoherent. Lay off the booze until after the speech.
Depending on your bride, the bachelor party will invoke different levels of distaste and distrust. But no rational woman loves thinking about reverting to Cro-Magnon man, getting as drunk as humanly possible while watching women in various stages of undress. Of course, you’ll plead innocence because theoretically your best man is in charge; he’s the one planning it, and you have to go along with whatever he’s planned, right? Hint: You’re marrying your bride presumably because se’s smarter than that. She’s still going to hold you responsible for any misdeeds. (Please refresh your memory by watching the movie Very Bad Things)
If you don’t want the heat, make sure it’s clear to your best man that he stay out of the kitchen. Or at the very least, make sure that what happens in the kitchen stays in the kitchen. You don’t want a major blow-up the week before the wedding, as with one couple we know whose best man was called the morning after the bachelor party and told by the bride he would no longer be a welcome part of the wedding. Reportedly, he arranged for some “activities” at the bachelor party that she found… well, distasteful. They managed to mend fences in the week leading up to the wedding, but some residual hard feelings and injured egos remained. So, tread carefully.
Here are the groomsmen’s traditional duties:
-Provide moral support during the engagement.
-Attend the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner.
-Arrive at the church on time.
-Endure the long photography session.
Groomsmen are also free to give a toast at the rehearsal dinner.